Pointless

So because i cant find anything else to do with my time now a days i feel i need to let some personal things out.

Ok things we're fucked for a while, at one point i was stupidly "in love" with someon i had liked since grade 9...which was the biggest mistake of my life. I mean sure at the time i couldnt have been happier, but look now. I've destroyed myself, for what? All i got in return was nothing, she doesnt even say hi anymore...i mean when do you go calling someone your bestfriend and dont say hi to them and stop calling? The biggest bitch move of all. I mean i did everything for her, i gave up things for her, i faught for her...i wasnt even close to being afriad of the ass she's dating now. Someone who really isnt going anywhere with his life, who fucks up constantly..lies to her face, and than she still has the nerve to come to me and say she loves him..like STFU! HONESTLYYY i dont give a fuck about him. I wanted you, i did things for you and i got nothing..FUCK OFF. You told me straight up your going to break up with him after the summer...so why waist..oh what is it...20 months? of your life and than just throw it away, i mean you did cry over him time and time again, and if i can remember carefully he came crying back to you...even after he fucked up...constantly...and like u said next time right? yea..right.

W.e thats done with, im glad...saves me more headache and heartache..i mean why give so much for nothing? especially when all i got back was lies...tell me the truth and stop making your self look more like a bitch.

So i made another huge change in my life...i cut off someone i knew would bother me...but its not them that bothers me...its the things around her. I cant help myself but be pissed off when i see her going out with other guys, and than saying how shes hates getting hurt and shit but yet she chose them..w.e....i mean fuck im a nice guy to a certain point, but i hit my peak eventually...so i cut her off...and to my demise i somehow later on let her back in..why? i dont know...i just did. And now she apparently misses me? true? i hope...i dont like liars....But now im hearing all sorts of things like..."...she told me he's tapping her"....why hang out with someone and lead them on if ur not interested in them...i mean fuck, you can hang out with them..but dont fuckin lead them on. And like you say you miss me...you havent called me all week....because of you i feel depressed. Fuck.

Now i cant help but be in a shitty mood...after what happend tonight...ok so i got a tattoo last week, and i already knew my father disagreed on it but w.e...i have an artistic ability, i like art, and what i design will eventually somehow be expressed...so i expressed it by tattoo'ing it on my body...its my body to being with.... So why pull a bitch move and take away the one thing i have to look forward to everyday. I mean i got up knowing my hard work and earned money would be going to my car...now..i dont get one. I went to my dads tonight to "TRY" to calm things down with him considering he was pissed off at me...i mean i tried, i really tried. Hes not someone very easy to talk to, he shuts down any idea i have, doesnt see points in it...etc...so i went there tonight to try and ask him to change his mind about the car and you know what he says? "Why should i help you out?" I was stumped...i just looked at him..i mean wtf goes threw a fathers mind when hes talking to his SON..his own flesh and blood...and denys him help?!?!? wtf is wrong with him??? Im his god dam son and he asks me why he should help me out??????? Seems like obviously i've failed him as a son so fuck him. And he wonders why i dont like being at the house when hes around...

Ughh i cant stand this..no matter how hard i try for something, in the end it just gets ripped out of my grasp, no matter how much effort and time i put into it..gone...always...gone. Sure my life isnt shitty but it sure as hell doesnt sum up.

So from now on...because no one seems to really listen, im going to talk to myself...here i'll do it...so i can read it over and over, and realize how fucked up people are.